By Paul Yung
Have you ever wondered why some people are happier than others?
I recently read a Tony Robbins book where he introduced the Six Human Needs framework, and it just blew my mind.
These six needs are universal, but the way we prioritise and meet them could be different. Satisfying all six needs in this framework makes us feel more fulfilled.
Not satisfying one or more of them makes us feel like something’s missing.
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- Certainty
Certainty is the need for stability, security, and comfort in life. People strive for certainty to avoid pain and ensure survival.
People satisfy their need for certainty through daily routines, a steady job or predictability in relationships. Certainty makes us feel emotionally safe.
Certainty could explain why people smoke or drink. They are certain that these activities will relax or give them an “escape”, and they crave for that feeling. Be careful how and where you seek for certainty.
- Variety or Uncertainty
We humans are a complicated species. While certainty provides comfort, too much certainty makes us bored! So, we need variety or uncertainty. We crave for excitement, surprise, and new experiences. Without variety, life becomes monotonous.
Variety is traveling to new places or trying out different foods and hobbies. The need for variety could explain why people get involved with bad influences like toxic relationships, drugs and that kind of stuff. It’s not because they are bad people, they’re just bored people.
Variety helps us feel alive. So, make sure to add healthy variety into your relationship and career!
- Significance
Significance is the need to stand out; feel unique, important, and worthy of attention.
Everyone wants to feel valued in their career, personal relationships, and by society because it’s linked to self-esteem and identity.
The need for significance is people tear others down to make themselves feel better. After all, there are two ways to be the tallest building in town, focusing on building the tallest building or continuously tearing the tallest building down.
Work on your personal development and your significance will rise. Putting others down to feel better is not only unsustainable, it also makes you a prick.
- Connection and Love
Where our need for significance is met when we stand out, our need for connection is met when we fit in!
Now you know why so many people feel like somethings missing in life. Some of our needs are contrasting and make us feel bipolar!
Humans have a need for deep relationships, love, and a sense of belonging. People want to connect with family, friends and romantic relationships as connection provides love and emotional fulfilment that reinforces our sense of community and support.
These first four needs are what’s called the basic needs. Unfortunately, these basic needs can be fulfilled, through violence, for example, joining a gang.
Being part of a gang gives a sense of belonging. Violence makes one feel significant, and substances and lifestyle habits fulfil the needs for certainty and variety.
If we understand why someone does something, we can help break their patterns by fulfilling their needs in a better way.
- Growth
Growth is the need for self-improvement, learning, and personal development; the desire to reach one’s full potential. Where certainty values stability, growth is about change and challenge.
Growth keeps life exciting and meaningful. This could be why there are successful people who are miserable. They feel they are not growing anymore. They worked so hard to reach the pinnacle of their industry. They have made enough money, won enough awards or medals or championships and don’t know where to go from there.
Their need for growth is there but they don’t know where to go from there and get depressed.
Keep growing! Try something new at every stage of life and you will feel more fulfilment.
- Contribution
Contribution is the need that goes beyond personal achievement, it’s our need to give back and help others. It is the desire to make a difference and be part of something greater than oneself.
Contribution gives us a sense of purpose and the satisfaction of knowing that our actions have a positive impact on others, fostering a sense of interconnectedness and purpose.
Volunteering at a local charity, mentoring younger colleagues, or engaging in community activities fulfils our need of contribution and gives our life more fulfilment and purpose.
I love this framework because it helps me understand my own needs and explains why many people do what they do. I believe that everyone is good and given the chance they will do the right thing.
However, it is basic human instinct to want to fulfil our personal needs first. We fulfil these needs in good and bad ways because we may not be aware which need we are fulfilling when we do something. Be intentional and more conscious.
Ask yourself, which need am I fulfilling by doing this? Or which need am I feeling is not fulfilled that’s marking me feel this way? Find the best way to fulfil those needs and start leading a happier, healthier life.
I wish you a fulfilling, purposeful, wonderful October.
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